I don’t know what I want.
I fight when I just want to be held,
When I want peace, I invoke war,
Push you away but still hold your hand.
It’s a struggle within myself.
I don’t understand my own emotions,
But I expect you to.
I beat on your chest while dying just to feel you hold me;
Turn my back while trying to hold your gaze.
Why don’t you give up?
I ask you to leave,
Secretly praying you won’t listen to me
When you try to pick me up
Out of the dirt of my pessimism,
I scream at you to leave me there;
But my hand still stretches up
Looking for a way out.
Help my unbelief …
The dark seems so bright.
It’s just a contradiction:
A trick of the mind, but it seems so real.
If You know me better than I know myself
Then You understand the fight inside.
The fight to stay sane;
To not destroy the virus that is
Help me sort out this out …
These emotions that haunt themselves.
It’s not pretty, it’s not attractive
Human isn’t good enough
Contradictions are not who You are,
But it’s everything I am
Striving for Your likeness, but falling so
Make me more like you.
Less a contradiction,
It’s Your doing