Posted in Slam Poetry

Contradiction

I don’t know what I want.

I fight when I just want to be held,

When I want peace, I invoke war,

Push you away but still hold your hand.

It’s a struggle within myself.

I don’t understand my own emotions,

But I expect you to.

I beat on your chest while dying just to feel you hold me;

Turn my back while trying to hold your gaze.

Why don’t you give up?

I ask you to leave,

Secretly praying you won’t listen to me

And stay.

When you try to pick me up

Out of the dirt of my pessimism,

I scream at you to leave me there;

But my hand still stretches up

Looking for a way out.

Help my unbelief …

The dark seems so bright.

It’s just a contradiction:

A trick of the mind, but it seems so real.

If You know me better than I know myself

Then You understand the fight inside.

The fight to stay sane;

To not destroy the virus that is

Myself.

Help me sort out this out …

These emotions that haunt themselves.

It’s not pretty, it’s not attractive

It’s real

Raw

Emotional

Human.

Human isn’t good enough

For eternity.

Contradictions are not who You are,

But it’s everything I am

Striving for Your likeness, but falling so

Short.

Make me more like you.

Less a contradiction,

More righteous.

It’s Your doing

Not mine.

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Author:

Christ follower. Wife. Mama.

One thought on “Contradiction

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