Posted in Slam Poetry


I don’t know what I want.

I fight when I just want to be held,

When I want peace, I invoke war,

Push you away but still hold your hand.

It’s a struggle within myself.

I don’t understand my own emotions,

But I expect you to.

I beat on your chest while dying just to feel you hold me;

Turn my back while trying to hold your gaze.

Why don’t you give up?

I ask you to leave,

Secretly praying you won’t listen to me

And stay.

When you try to pick me up

Out of the dirt of my pessimism,

I scream at you to leave me there;

But my hand still stretches up

Looking for a way out.

Help my unbelief …

The dark seems so bright.

It’s just a contradiction:

A trick of the mind, but it seems so real.

If You know me better than I know myself

Then You understand the fight inside.

The fight to stay sane;

To not destroy the virus that is


Help me sort out this out …

These emotions that haunt themselves.

It’s not pretty, it’s not attractive

It’s real




Human isn’t good enough

For eternity.

Contradictions are not who You are,

But it’s everything I am

Striving for Your likeness, but falling so


Make me more like you.

Less a contradiction,

More righteous.

It’s Your doing

Not mine.



Christ follower. Wife. Mama.

One thought on “Contradiction

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